Lessons Tied to the Blessings

I think our lessons are tied to our blessings. God prepares us to hold what’s coming by testing us in the same area over and over until we pass the test. For me, I seem to want to depend on a man and God is continually showing me that they aren’t coming to my rescue.

Tonight I called Dave and Josh. Josh ignored then texted me saying I’m on my own with my son. Dave told me to call a crisis line and then texted “sorry I’m not qualified to help.” I wish I had a man to help with my son because my son keeps crying out for a man to talk to – someone to give him advice.

I can’t control these men though. I can only control me and it seems for now Jesus is the only man coming to my rescue. I need to stop betting on these men; gambling my future on them. And my son needs to stop gambling on football players on a screen. We are doing the same exact thing – addicted to something we can’t control and investing all of our money and time and energy into that thing.

I’m really seeing something here. I invested sooooo much on a dream with that man and with the last one too. These were huge setbacks for me. I thought I knew the outcome so I gambled my all and lost. And everytime I’d come back again and try again as if the outcome would be different but I can’t control it and kept losing.

My son is doing the same thing making plans to bet on football games. I know he thinks he has it figured it out just like I thought that. Well… anyway…

I need to sleep but I do think this is an eye opener tonight. I thought I knew people. I really did. I thought I could read them and know what they would do. I was so shocked when my ex turned on me and so shocked when Dave just dropped off and went back to his normal life chasing his job.

God seems to be QUALIFYING ME for something with this repetitive theme. And yet I know I knew something when I met both of them. I really believed I knew what would happen. I was right the first time but only after horribly suffering. Then this time, horribly suffering. Maybe I should take the advice I’m giving Josh and put it outside of myself. I feel like these videos help me to do that.

Ask… God what you preparing me for? What are you teaching me?

I’ve known for a long time I needed to walk away and surrender. I wonder if the delays are because I never did it fully. I kept calling kept seeing him again and didn’t shut the door.

Well, tonight I pray God heals both of us because we both gambled our everything on something that didn’t work out. And it seems God is trying to give us a full life that doesn’t depend on something so much. To depend on God and to not make something so consuming.

Well that’s it. God please give us the peace of Jesus to rule in our hearts. In Jesus’ name…. Amen.