Vision Board

Maybe everything didn’t work out because it wouldn’t have been what I wanted anyway. I want to be a bride. I want a man to want to marry me more than he wants to breathe. I want a man to be so excited for our wedding night where I’ll wear white in purity and there I’ll have the consumnation of love that’s built on love in everyway it can be – not just lust or sex.

I may not have ever felt like I had high worth because the world taught me otherwise. But my dream has worth. So maybe it’s not about focusing on me, but rather focusing on the power of God to make my dream a reality. Even me – the unloveable girl could get the promise; imagine that. Even the girl that got left by so many men in her life could be the princess that gets a beautiful ring and a hand that will hold her like she’s the best gift that there ever was and ever will be.

He texted me earlier, “Hey did you end up getting a hotel room here?” I felt my inner voice saying back, “she’s dead. she’s gone.” What if I could kill that girl because she needs to be dead in order for the woman of promise to be born? A woman who is willing to wait an eternity for what GOD SAYS is love….

He can disappear now and go back to his life or he can become dead too and decide to rise again someone new and someone willing to become all she needs. But that shouldn’t matter to me anymore because God can make anything into what he wants to. I don’t need to turn a stone into bread anymore.

I’ll start my new job and do my best to start my new self. I hope God helps me and strengthens me to believe in these visions and to never look back at what WASNT this love.

Ok… well that’s it.