It is What it Is

It is what it is…  my heart has chosen the one that it never wants to lose.  The one who is enough for me.  The one who gives me everything I never knew I needed.  The one who satisfies me to a core of my being that burns away all of the expectations that I once drew and called it “compatible”.

He’s nothing like me and yet he’s my healing, he’s my prayers answered and he’s the one I wait for…  with excitement…  And I may not know how to trust him yet – how to believe that he will come back for me but in that void I trust God.  God would never give me a taste of something so beautiful only to take it away and never give me another drink.  

God planted a seed in me and in him too and now he’s watering that seed in the dark.  I can’t see the roses I can only smell the aroma of their coming.  And in this place I fight the good fight of faith.

A promise was given to me.  God gave me that promise and if he has declared it then who could possibly take it away?  

Today I collect the puzzle pieces; not as a master builder but as a daughter of the most high who has prayed many prayers and is now opening up the gifts like a child on Christmas morning.

So far since I’ve moved to Austin, I’m seeing the gift of a renewed relationship with my daughter.  She spoke to me in a letter she wrote and left on my bed with a red rose “You said your dream was to be like your Granny – a bright light in a dark world.  I hope you know you have achieved that.  I’ve never known such a bright light as you and such unconditional love in a human.”  The second gift game to me the day after Independence Day when my son texted me a surprise message.  He said he was coming to visit us in Austin and would stay in the room I prepared for him.  Years of prayers were answered and this time God gave me a home where I could receive him.  

The doubt and fear say to me, “Why would this time be any different?  Why would he stay?  He just wants you for money and your daughter too.  They don’t love you they just use you like your ex husband used you.”  And my war zone challenges me to look back at Heaven and remember that I prayed for this.  I prayed for renewal, restoration and love between me and my children to be rekindled in truth.  I prayed for my heart to be released from the lies and the betrayal and the years of injustice that was placed upon my shoulders.”  I prayed for the light to shine in all the dark places and for truth to be seen and known and for the Lord my God the defender of the widows and the fatherless to exalt me and my heart in a season of blameless love… ❤️ 

And the 37 screams louder and louder…