Leaving LA

Well… God as you know today was hard. I was so embarassed on the plane to Houston because I couldn’t stop the tears and the sniffling. It didn’t help that I was getting books of insults and crude words from Kenna as we were boarding and taking off. I realize my kids don’t know what I’ve parted with the last few days. It was an end to a dream of the love story I thought I found 7 years ago.

Ironically the person in front of me watched Pretty woman with captions on and I found myself glued to their screen with tears in my eyes as I remembered him taking me to all those filming scenes on the weekend when I realized and confessed that I had fallen in love with him.

She fell in love fast too but she didn’t settle for his offer. She said she wanted the fairytale and then she was kind and walked away with a smile. I never got to see the end. The movie stopped playing at the part where she said goodbye to the hotel manager and followed the driver who was going to take her back to her little apartment in the ghetto.

Watching this movie today I feel was a divine gift. It’s as if I was seeing a version of my story and realizing where I’d went wrong. The moment he told me on February 23, 2020 that he wasn’t willing to ever be the guy I needed, I should’ve let him go for good. I should’ve left and never turned back again. Not because the love wasn’t real but because I want the fairytale too. And the man who truly loved me would’ve came after me.

So maybe this movie was meant to show me my story – and the ending cut off where it it ends for me now. It seems unfinished because it ends when she leaves Hollywood. But that’s just it – the only thing the woman can do is walk away and follow her heart’s desire (the dream for receive real love) and in her world that decision is the end. Edward came after Vivian but in the real world that’s not always the case. In my world, I got on the plane and I left and there was no white limousine with doves coming out of the sunroof chasing me down at LAX.

The anxiety of it is gone now. I’m here at my moms waiting to get the email back from HR about starting my job Tuesday. I will call and try to get a leave with Delta or resign after I get the confirmation that I’m good to go and that’s that. I hope you’ll help me get grounded, be successful and rebuild my finances and open doors for me to help Josh get going with a job and a new chapter too.

Dave was very special to me. I’m grateful for the love I felt for him and I’m grateful for the experience to get to know him. God please take good care of him and bless him.

Now please help me to stop living the double life inside and to focus on the gifts you give me here and now. Onward and upward – whatever that will look like.

Thank you Lord.

Goodnight