Facing Fear

Perfect love casts out all fear. Well I guess I’ve been running from that love for a long time now. I’m scared to tell the truth and yet everyday I say to myself, “I only want to stand for the truth.” How can I do such a thing if I deny my own experiences, my own encounters with God and my own soul that’s screaming constantly to walk in truth?

What I want for myself is to align with the Will of God and to allow myself to know that this isn’t just a phrase but that the things I’ve been shown in peculiar ways tell the story of a script in the sky – a path that leads to the fullfilment of something bigger than this life. I saw I want love but I won’t allow God to love me in the way that I wish to be loved – to know with every fiber of my being that I’m not walking through darkness because of punishment but because it’s the path between the past and the future he’s already predestined for me.

To unlean everything this world as taught me and to say to myself, “There’s something greater and more pure to be known.” Well, I guess it starts with a jumble of rambling as I hit record on my iphone today, lit a candle and allowed myself to just speak without any direction. I hope this is a step into greater courage as I do believe that there are others out there like me who have experiences they are scared to share because of how we might be viewed by a world that lacks of faith in unseen things.

Last night I heard in the spirit, “You’ve always been a fighter, now fight the great fight of faith.” And I don’t pretend to know what even looks like right now other than to say that I believe all things are happening for my good and God’s glory. I believe the sandbox he had me make in 2018 where I wrote my prayers, the candles that connect me to deep heart crying moments alone with God and the voice inside of me that keeps screaming at me to let my voice be heard are all a type of initiation process into the next chapter of my path.

OK… Well I guess that’s all for now.

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